My word for 2022

The holidays and new year really creeped up fast on me, and I went into it feeling vastly unprepared and anxious. So I had planned a little get together with my amazing group of ladies from Canvas and dubbed it a "self care sleepover" where we would do face masks and listen to relaxing music and eat only healthy food. I also bought supplies for everyone to make vision boards for this year as a way to "start the year right." Some things happened - snow, a loss in the community, life stuff - and it changed some of the plans I had made. We still had fun vision boarding, but instead of facemasks and relaxing, we spent several hours waiting to get tattoos to support a fundraiser, we got late night chicken nuggets with fries on the way home, and had fresh baked cookies when we arrived. I wouldn't change that night for anything. It helped me gain some perspective on what I want for 2022.

Intention

[in·​ten·​tion / in-ˈten(t)-shən /] noun

1. : what one intends to do or bring about

2. : a determination to act in a certain way : RESOLVE

My whole life, I've been really big on planning all aspects of my life. It's almost certainly a trauma response that I developed at an early age, and it's followed me through to my adult life where I've worked in jobs that required a great amount of attention to detail. Hell, I was an event coordinator and operations manager for years - talk about needing to be good at planning! On the flip side of this is the fact that I get completely obsessed with making plans that I will drive my husband crazy with it, and I become annoyed or frustrated when even the slightest plan changes. I struggle with it all. the. time. It's one of the many things I'm working on in therapy.

So this is where intention comes in. I've always wanted to "live with intention" but what the heck does that actually mean? I used to think that if I wanted to be intentional, I had to plan everything, I had to have it all laid out in advance, and I had to follow that plan or else everything would come crumbling down.

As it turns out, I can reframe this in a way that is healthier, and is my own version of it, instead of a trauma response or survival skill. The destination doesn't have to be the focus of my intent, but the journey can be.

I can be intentional with...

My words

How I choose to spend time with people

What I fill my day with

The way I show up for myself

Being more spontaneous

Okay, I know that last one sounds like a conflict of interest, but what I mean by that is: I know that letting go of some of that tight control I always thought I should have is really good for me. However, it's SO HARD to do, so I'll be practicing it and allowing myself to feel the safety of letting go.

While the details of my self care sleepover weren't what I pictured it being, it was still absolutely perfect and I got out of it what I originally intended to: an incredible start to my year with the powerful, supportive group of women I care about.

...and I intend to do much more of that this year.