I'm gonna be real with you...

Last week I started writing this post while I was feeling happy, motivated, determined, productive. Today, I'm struggling to finish it because I'm currently sitting in a dark cloud, which happens from time to time. Yet how appropriate is that considering what I'm going to talk (write?) about here. If you know me, chances are you know about the mental health struggle I've had over the years. If not, well you're about to.

I have been dealing with major depression, general anxiety, and a panic disorder for a long time. I'm in therapy (so happy with my progress there) and I think it's important to honestly talk about these kinds of things, so this will totally be something you hear from me more than once in blog posts, on social media, and just in life. There's also a very good chance you'll hear me joke about my mental health because that is how I deal with trauma - it's made me the hilarious, relatable, empathetic person I am today.

I remember the weight of depression setting in when I was about 11 or 12 and I had no support, no outlet, no idea of what I was actually going through or how to deal with it. So I did what any kid would do, I stuffed it all down and never dealt with it in a healthy way. For like, 20 years. I put on the happy face, I worked in all kinds of jobs where I was expected to have the perfect custom service "face." Let me just say... It. Was. Hell. I got real tired of lying to people about what I'm going through, I realized that it was just adding extra weight to my already exhausted shoulders. Suppressing those bad days did me no favors, so now I'm beginning to acknowledge and work through those days instead.

I have good days, and I have some not-so-good days, and I also have some "I'm unable to get out of bed to be a person, so I'll be a lump instead" kind of days. And THAT'S OKAY.

In my 12+ years of working out, the gym has become a great source of stress/anxiety release and it's paramount to my mental health. Exercise is how I take care of myself - it's my Me-Time. There are plenty of studies that show a link between exercise and elevated moods, and I'm here to tell you YES IT WORKS. On my lowest of days, my husband and friends will still help me get out and at least go for a walk, even if I'm not up for a full gym workout. Did you know there's studies that show there are a bunch of benefits to green exercise (working out in nature)? Well now you do.

So why am I telling you all of this? Because chances are, you have had good days and not-so-good days too, because at some point you've felt like you were alone in your mental health battle. You're not. I'm here with you, I see you, and I think you're a lot stronger than you sometimes feel.

I think we all need a friend to remind us of our strength and resilience, and who will encourage us to keep going, even if it's just a walk around the block. While I am definitely not a therapist, I can absolutely be that friend who is cheering you on and letting you know how proud of you I am.

P.S. - I am terrified to post this, but I'm going to do it anyway. As my husband always says, "If it scares you, you should probably go ahead and do it."